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_____________ her avalanche.

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The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.
Look how white everything is, how quiet, how snowed-in.
I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly
As the light lies on these white walls, this bed, these hands.
I am nobody; I have nothing to do with explosions.
I have given my name and my day-clothes up to the nurses
And my history to the anesthetist and my body to surgeons.


.



”everyone carries a room about inside him. this fact can even be proved by means of the sense of hearing. if someone walks fast and one pricks up one’s ears and listens, say in the night, when everything round about is quiet, one hears, for instance, the rattling of a mirror not quite firmly fastened to the wall.”








i am erasing sleep

dreaming awake
of amputation and
insectlike percussions.




+ LIT.
hard boiled wonderland and the end of the world. norwegian wood. nausea. the parfume. prozac nation. altered carbon. gravity’s rainbow. kochający, do widzenia lolita. the little mermaid. a room of one’s own. a saucer of loneliness. pattern recognition. the bell jar. fahrenheit 451. hills like white elephants. le nécrophile. notes from the underground. neuromancer. johnny panic and the bible of dreams. fear and loathing in las vegas. the body artist. the crying of lot 49. oryx and crake. the picture of dorian gray. les fleurs du mal. de galnas hus. kafka on the shore. mrs dalloway. american psycho. remaking eden: cloning and beyond in a brave new world. sputnik sweetheart. the secret history. tipping the velvet. snow crash. vox. the diary of anaïs nin 1931-1934. kitchen. time travelers wife. revolting rhymes. doktor glas. hot zone. the virgin suicides. wintering. the unabridged journals of sylvia plath. a writer's diary. the notebooks of malte laurids brigge. frida: a biography of frida kahlo. written on the body. to the lighthouse. coin locker babies. reading lolita in tehran. invitation to a beheading. catching the big fish. incest. blind willow, sleeping woman. studies in pessimism. the harry potter series. the man who planted trees. an unfortunate woman. the piano. needle in the groove. the pianist. idoru. the blue octavo notebooks. the diving bell and the butterfly. south of the border, west of the sun. after dark. no one belongs here more than you. glamorama. the diary of anaïs nin 1939-1944. henry & june. against nature. psychology & gender. frida's bed. into the wild. diane arbus : a biography. oh! a mystery of mono no aware. atonement. the end of mr y. the magicians. the shaking woman or the history of my nerves. fun home: a family tragicomic. a single man. gentlemän. blankets. låt den rätte komma in.






i had given them as
forget-me-nots to
girls who should
have known better





___________________________________
___________________________________



When the transformation is complete the final molt occurs:
the adult emerges, its wings fill with blood
and expand, the new exoskeleton hardens.







bleedingbroken

defiled
dislocatedsprainedbruised









what injury is yours?


mine is love. / myocardial infarction


erase erase erase.







T H E Y TOOK HER TO THE G A L L O W S
S H E FOUGHT THEM ALL THE WAY T H O U G H



THE . BREAKING . OF . A . WAVE
CANNOT . EXPLAIN . THE . WHOLE . SEA




PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL IMAGES USED IN MY JOURNAL ARE CREDITED BY HOVER-TEXT
(MOVE THE CURSOR OVER THE IMAGE AND HOLD STILL) THIS IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT VISIBLE IN FIREFOX

all of iceland, almost touching hands, always winter, anatomy + anxiety, anaïs nin, awakening sensitivity of skin, between solar systems, björk, case + molly, charlotte gainsbourg in menswear, connie chiu, counting (your) eyelashes, determining eye color, electric with (), electronic warmth and intricacy, erin o'connor, escapism or its tendencies, experimental, fiktiv verklighet och vanföreställningar, floria sigismondi, frida kahlo, gareth pugh, girlcrushes like judith bedard, hans appelqvist, helena blomqvist, i don't remember dying, imminent, interior lives, karen elson, leonard cohen, lost ideas and circumstances, love affairs strictly musical, lovechild of dalí, lovecomesclosedeathcomesclose, marcel proust, marchesa casati, masculine/feminine, mechanical birds + butterflies, michel gondry's explorative eye, min kropp som rivningskåk, music is (my) religion, noise, pi, quiet refrains, red wine, rhythm, rêves d’une petite fille, sculptural fashion, separating dreams & reality, she would not say, shiki-jitsu, soap&skin, the constancy of anxiety, this body she wore, tim walker, virginia woolf, vladimir nabokov, watching (you) watching (me), world's end girlfriend, you begin me, your other hand, your other self, zdzislaw beksinski

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